Saturday, December 27, 2008

Did you have a Twisted Christmas?

Per my brother's recommendation, I Youtubed this incredible video, which may be the single best clip on youtube:

That's right, Dee Snider and the rest of the Sisters performing one of the most bizarre renditions of any song, ever. I can't tell what's more palpable, the perfect ten it scores for unintentional hilarity or the undeniable feeling of unease that will surely overtake anyone watching. I'm not sure what's best: The self-referential "We're Not Gonna Take It" solo, the employment of the 'uptight chick with a gigantic rack gets terrorized by a hair metal band and ostensibly becomes horny' archetype, or just fucking Dee Snider growling "Chriiii-iiiist the Lord!" with that patented sneer slathered across his jaws.

I get the feeling that Dee Snider thinks that every idea he dreams up is an absolute gem. If you've ever seen him interviewed, you know he's extremely intense and emotive. Confidence is hardly an issue for Dee. So I'm sure he pitched this idea to his agent as a sure-fire hit. I'm guessing the scene went something like this:


(Interior of Venice Beach, FL home...daytime. Bespectacled agent sits at kitchen table in relative quiet, sipping coffee and reading through a New York Times. The silence is disturbed by the growing whine of motorcycle engine. Tires screetch, a trash can crashes and rolls away. Engine cuts off. Door bursts open)

Dee Snider: KEVIN! Kevin. I've got it. You're gonna wanna drop that rag man. I got the goods for you, my friend. THE GOODS!

Kevin: Dee, you know I don't like you come to my home unexpectedly. We talked about this.

DS: This can not wait, baby. It is absolutely the best thing to happen to this fucking band since "Take It". The most revolutionary Sister scheme I've hatched since the "Leader of the Pack" cover. You ready for this man? You ready? Cuz if you ain't ready, this could fuck, your, mind. Permanently. I'm talkin' brain damage, muchacho!

Kevin: (rubbing temples) Let's hear it.

DS: (hops up on table) Twisted Sister...doing..."Oh Come Let Us Adore Him".

Kevin: ... Are...are you kidding?

DS: Kev, I've never been so serious about anything in my life. And I mean that. I say that a lot, but this time, I'm as serious as fucking cancer. This is a can't miss, Kev. A can't fucking miss!

Kevin: And just so we're're serious?

DS: Brother, if I wasn't serious would I have e-mailed the entire band with the lyrics and a chord diagram from Would I have booked us three days of studio time? Would I have put a casting call for 'White Brunette with Giant Cans' on Craigslist?

Kevin: You've done all this...

DS: You bet your sweet ass I did, Kevin. Dee Snider doesn't half-ass anything. See, it came to me right after I station ID'ed during House of Hair. Just like BAM, like WAMMO. There it was. So I called Steven Pearcy and Vince Neil, bounced it off them, you know what they said Keverino?

Kevin: Steven Pearcy? From Ratt?

DS: They said "Dee, you are just 'bout the craziest mo-fo on the planet." And in the world we live in, baby, you better believe that's how you say "Full speed ahead."

Kevin: I...well--

DS: You make it happen with the label, meanwhile the Sisters will be getting this thing on tape. Santa's comin' early amigo. Adeste Fideles, baby!

(hops on bike and speeds off, laughing maniacally)


Alas, this wasn't just a whim for Mr. Snider. See below for a live (and equally awkward/bewildering) performance of Silver Bells, made even awkward/bewildering-er by the extended bass solo towards the end.

1 comment:

Thomas said...

There has been no greater honor in my life than to share the same initials with Twisted Sister.