Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Musical Lookalikes: The All Cardinals edition

I try to play cool, but Ryan Adams' announcement of the Cardinals break-up does squeeze my heart a bit. I don't know if I wholeheartedly believe it, but if it is the truth, it'll be the end of a musical era for me. As someone who attended 10 of their shows over the past 5 years (will be 12 before it's all said and done), I'm sad to see them go.

So as an homage to the group, here's who they all kinda look like:

The Fixtures

Ryan Adams::Ric Moranis

Nothing shocking here. This is a comparison long-made by fans and detractors alike. It's really incanny, isn't it? I wonder how much it would cost to book Rick Moranis to lip-sync some old Adams songs. Probably cheaper than a concert ticket! But I imagine it'd get weird after a few minutes, at which point I'd say "OK, forget it...just say the gatekeeper line from Ghost Busters."

Brad Pemberton::John Cusack from High Fidelity

A couple of lanky, black-haired, sad-faced coolguys. I'd shake the hand of both man and thank him for his contribution to the arts. Actually, I've already done that with Brad. Twice. So I'll count the second one as Cusack.

The rest of the originals:

JP Bowersock::John Ratzenberger (aka Cliff Clavin from Cheers)

A bit stretchy, but ignore JPs ponytail and soul patch, and he could at least body double for the Ruffles shill.

Cindy Cashdollar::"Starla" from Napoleon Dynamite

While Cindy may not be ripped to shreds, and Starla (real name Carmen Brady) may not have a Southern grace about her, both ladies are held in incredibly high esteem by this blogger. My only hope is that Cindy stumbles across this and gently posits, "I don't feel comfortable reading this," at which point I'll say "That's fine, that's fine...but do you feel comfortable with me?"

Me saying that.

Cat Popper::Geena Davis

(pictured with some douchebag...)

"Hey Brian, whatever happened to Geena Davis?" This isn't a homerun, but both women have perfected the tall, thin, milk-skinned, dark-haired look. Tangent: Geena Davis looks different in just about every Google image result.

The new recruits:

Jon Graboff::A lot of people.

I'll Leave This One to the Pros.

Neal Casal::Han Solo

Neal's well-documented affinity for vests brought this one on. Hey, I can think of less flattering iconic characters to whom one could be compared. The comparison was only reinforced when, according to eye-witness accounts from the green room at a Des Moines, IA show, Ryan said "Neal, you're a great guitar player," to which Neal coolly responded, "I know." He was then frozen in carbonite.

Chris "Spacewolf" Feinstein::Jack Black

Again, not dead-on but fitting. While only vaguely resembling one another, both rockers have impressive control over their eyebrows. Here's hoping for a eyebrow raise-off, winner faces The Rock.

And that's that. Farewell to the Cards! When the biopic* is cast, give us here at HSW a ring. We have some suggestions for you.

*Which will inevitably be titled Adams...note to screenwriters: Titling a biopic the first or last name of the subject is getting stale. Ray, Capote, Ali, Milk, etc...can we maybe try and think of a film title that isn't lazy as hell?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...


I love you.