Wednesday, February 25, 2009

We can be just as gimmicky as ESPN: Music Mt. Rushmore

While working from home yesterday, I left Sportscenter on repeat, which is one of the more depressing metrics of inactivity. Also has to be killer for ESPN's profits vis-a-vis ad revenue: One production, repeated 4 times in a row, rife with commercials. Not a bad operation.

Anyway, they've been doing this thing called "Mt. Rushmore of Sports", which is yet another example of ESPNs need to mythologize every athlete who ever granted them an interview via some silly feature that involves an overwrought Stuart Scott voiceover. And though I thought it impossible, it's made Sportscenter even lamer than it was before.


The segment itself is "hosted" by former SI columnist Rick Reilly in an effort to allow him some likability, which is impossible. Seriously, what a douchebag. You can see in his eyes that he could not give less of a shit what anyone else thinks or says. You know why? Cause he's Rick goddamn Reilly and he says thoughts for money.

/secretly jealous

Anyway, it ticked me off so much that I figured I'd lift the idea and do it for music, because hippocracy has a special place in this blog. We make fun of our favorite artists and then escape to the candlelit closet-shrine while we listen to B-sides on repeat and cradle the signed glossy we overpaid for on E-bay. And don't get me started on the hair-dolls!

So I took the time (slow week at work...) to throw together a photoshop of my musical Mt. Rushmore. My only rule was to keep it American, since it's Mt. Rushmore. Alright, here we go:

On the left we have Ryan Adams, who almost didn't make the cut because I've been a tad disappointed with his recent work. While I've come down to earth a bit regarding Ryan, I still do value his contributions a great deal. Thus he deserved a spot. But I didn't hesitate to make him look like a jack-ass.

Next is Jeff Tweedy, who looks a little Cro-Magnon, but I didn't feel like building a ratsnest of stoney hair.

Tom Waits turned out the best. It's like his visage was made to be carved into a mountainside. This needs to be arranged, clearly.

Mark Kozelek is on the right, whose work with the Red House Paitners, Sun Kil Moon, and as a solo artist is invaluable to me. Also, it is hilarious to look at his reluctant countenance. It's so Kozelek. It's like he's thinking "I hate this. I don't want to be a mountain."

There's mine...let's hear yours. Feel free to go non-American if you want. Bonus points for Photoshoppers

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